Nightmares

I think it's all of the anxiety of hitting the less-than-six-month mark that's done it. I've been having wedding related nightmares. Stupid nightmares.
I had a dream last week that involved scrounging through clearance racks at JC Penney an hour before the ceremony, looking for dresses for my bridesmaids because no one had ordered their dresses on time. The worst? When I woke up terrified because in my dream, my mother was shoving me down an aisle surrounded by metal folding chairs and I wasn't wearing makeup. As a matter of fact, I was wearing sweatpants in that dream. I looked and felt completely gross but the dream version of my mom kept saying that it didn't matter, no one would care what I looked like.
I didn't think I would get so stressed out about planning our wedding. I've known for a long time that setting myself up to have "THE PERFECT DAY OMG" would lead to problems. I've tried to tell myself continually that Josh and I getting married is the only thing that will matter on that day. I KNOW it's the only thing I will really care about on that day. So why am I still stressing out about tablecloths and flower girl dresses? I don't know. All I know is that Josh tried to convince me to go on a wedding planning hiatus for a week. Two days later, I had picked my paintbrush up again and was scouring Etsy for pearl necklaces.
My name is Marci and I'm addicted to self-torture. How about you?