A Fortunate Accident

"Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out
whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Love is the roots that grow towards each other underground, slowly and determined."- Louis de Bernieres

I found this Louis de Bernieres quote early in the wedding planning process and immediately decided that it needed to be one of our readings. It's perfect for us.

I haven't gone into our story yet, because that post will be long and hard to write. But let me just speak truthfully here. Josh and I started dating when I was nineteen, and I will be turning thirty two weeks after our wedding. These past ten years have not always been easy, and we have not spent all of those years together. We have both made each other unhappy, made each other cry, made ourselves doubt the purpose of love and relationships. As we have gotten older and made realizations about ourselves, we have gotten better. We have become better people for ourselves and for each other. Some people understand when they are young that hope alone is not the strongest foundation for a life together. Hope also needs the help of hard work and good communication to make a lasting cornerstone. I did not understand that.

We spent three years apart, making mistakes and growing. And then we found each other again, just like we met. It was a beautiful accident. It wasn't like those intervening three years of separation never happened. They happened, and they hurt. But it was so much better. Neither of us could believe our good luck. This wasn't a second or third or fourth chance. This was brand new. This was amazing.

It's been two years since we started over, and they have been two wonderful years. We still argue, we still disagree but now we know that it's not the end of the world. We aren't just in love with each other anymore, we love each other now too. There is a difference. As two people in love, we weren't ready to commit to each other. We wanted to, but we didn't know how to work together. We have learned.